10 Things you shouldn’t say to a friend struggling with infertility

BIOlogicalOne of the things I haven’t told many people is that I struggled with infertility. Being a mother is something most women dream about,  so when my husband and I struggled to have our daughter “organically,” I quickly realized our dream may not come to true. Three  surgeries, two rounds of IVF and one round of IUI, I was heart broken. I concluded a baby wasn’t going to happen. Although we received our bundle of joy by conceiving the old fashion way, there are just some things you  shouldn’t say to a friend struggling with infertility.

10 things to avoid saying to a friend struggling with infertility


  1. So why don’t you just adopt, there are so many children out there who need homes.
  2. You’ll get pregnant, you just need to relax.
  3. Maybe it’s just not meant to be.
  4. My friend’s cousin, wife’s aunt, had problems getting pregnant and now she has three kids.
  5. At least you won’t have to change dirty diapers.
  6. I once told a friend that  my IVF round failed and her response was, “OH!,” and then she continued to talk about herself.
  7. I’m sorry.
  8. You can try again.
  9. Have you ever thought of using a surrogate.
  10. Do you want to plan my baby shower?

These may not be the ten worst things someone could say to you, but it certainly can be very painful when you feel that no one understands you.

During the entire process the friends that just simply listened, or said I don’t know what to say are the people who I truly felt cared for me.

Have you ever said or been the receiver of an insulting comment while you were pregnant or trying to conceive?


  1. Wow this is so insightful and thankfully I haven’t run into much less said those things to women who were having fertility problems. I just read a novel where one of the characters also struggled with fertility and she could have written your list!

    Thanks for mentioning what we should do or say. I think listening and just being there is good advice for anyone going through something difficult.

    • Hi Nina. I agree listening and just being there makes all the difference in the world:) In certain situations it’s difficult to know the right thing to say, but you hit the nail on the head. Thank you for stopping by.

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